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The Foundational Laws of Marriage: Possession and Purity
"A married couple is to share all things fully and to treat each other with the grace so that they may be totally open to one another."
In addition to the laws of priority and pursuit, to more God given laws can help us to have successful marriages if we will follow them.
The third law of marriage is called the law of possession. This law mirrors our relationship with Jesus. In Luke 14:33 Jesus said, "so likewise whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciples." God designed marriage to be a co-owning and co-administering by both spouses of everything in their lives. He desires one heart, one home, one family, and everything you have the be shared in common. If one spouse refuses to surrender ownership of anything to the other, that will create resentment and legitimate jealousy and can eventually destroy the relationship.
Among the ways that people violate this law, three stand out.
One violation is dominance. This happens when one mate takes a disproportionate control of the marriage-essentially, seizing control of something that should be common to both (money, sex, children, possessions, relationships, atmosphere of the home, spirituality, etc.). In some cases, one spouse will try to control everything in the marriage (total dominance). In other cases, one spouse will control some things, while the other spouse will control different areas of the marriage (segregated dominance).
A second violation of the law of possession is independence (selfishness). Everything we have, even our own bodies, is supposed to belong to our spouses. But our natural tendency is to try to maintain our independence and control over ourselves. Since selfishness curses a marriage, we must learn in a healthy way to depend on God and our spouses.
A third violation of the law of possession is protectiveness. Sometimes a spouse will try to protect assets for what he or she believes is a good purpose. For example, a mother who is remarrying may fail to trust her new spouse to have authority over children from her first marriage. Regardless the motivation, the end result is damage to the marriage relationship. Everything must be co-owned and shared.
The fourth law of marriage is called the law of purity. God designed marriage to function in an atmosphere of purity between the marriage partners. As long as they have not sinned against one another, they can feel comfortable exposing themselves to each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
When one spouse damages the other, the hurting spouse will naturally try to protect his or her differences and sensitivities. This results in a layering of self protectiveness that inhibits full sharing between the two persons. The solution is for the sinning spouse to ask for forgiveness and begin making changes to restore trust so that the two can be open to one another again.